For the past 14 years, I've conducted monthly one-on-one interviews with each of my children. It started when my oldest son was four years old, and it's become one of the most valuable practices of my life as a father.
The key is keeping the conversations focused and sincere — not letting them feel like a job interview or an FBI interrogation. The goal is connection, not interrogation.
The Format
Each monthly interview follows this structure:
- Begin with prayer
- Work through discussion topics:
- Highlights from the previous month
- What brings them happiness and sadness
- Current fears
- Favorite foods and desserts (this one keeps it light)
- Friendships — who they're spending time with
- Current challenges they're facing
- Anything concerning they've seen online
- Questions about faith
- Prayer practices
- Scripture study
- Review of last month's goals
- Goals for the coming month
- End with prayer, hugs, and expressions of pride and love
How I Document It
I keep an individual hardbound journal for each child. Rather than taking notes during the conversation — which can feel clinical — I record the highlights afterward, with a particular focus on goals and following up on commitments from the previous month.
Over time, these journals become an extraordinary record of who each child was at every stage of their life. There is nothing quite like looking back at what your eight-year-old worried about, dreamed about, and wanted to become.
My Recommendation
You don't have to follow my exact format. The most important thing is that you have dedicated one-on-one time with each child — a space where they know the conversation is just for them, and that you are fully present. Give them room to talk about what's really going on in their lives.
Start simple. Even 20 minutes a month, one child at a time, will change your relationship with them.